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Erica Komisar, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst and the author of Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters, which won a Family Choice Award for best parenting book, and Chicken Little the Sky Isnât Falling: Raising Resilient Adolescents in the New Age of Anxiety.
India is fast growing. The raise in ADHD and Neurodivergency in the Europe and USA is now the story of Indian Metropolies. The studies of 2024 confirm 1/68 children now fast reaching 1/30 children born with neurodiversity. Neurodiversty is now becoming a natural calamity, unless new aged families and mothers decided to take care of the 0 to 1000 days journey of a child with care, affection and mindfullness.
In an era defined by professional ambition, gender neutrality, and the rapid expansion of institutional childcare, psychoanalyst Erica Komisar presents what she calls an "Inconvenient Truth": our modern societal structure is fundamentally at odds with the biological and neurological needs of children. Drawing on over 30 years of clinical experience and research, Komisar argues that we are currently facing a mental health crisis where one in five children will develop a serious mental illness, including anxiety, depression, and ADHD, before leaving childhood. Her central thesis posits that the "abandonment" of childrenâboth physically and emotionallyâfor the sake of career success and personal "me time" is the primary driver of this epidemic.
According to Komisar, the most significant period for human development occurs between birth and age three. During this window, 85% of the right brainâthe area responsible for social and emotional regulationâis developed. This process, known as neurogenesis, is not a passive biological clock but is actively shaped by the child's environment. Komisar asserts that a childâs primary environment is their parent; specifically, their physical and emotional presence acts as the necessary architect for a healthy brain. When a parent is present and attuned, they perform "sensitive empathic nurturing," which involves mirroring the childâs emotions and soothing their distress. This interaction triggers the release of oxytocin, a "love hormone" that protects the developing brain from the damaging effects of cortisol, the stress hormone. Without this consistent "emotional refueling," children fail to internalize the ability to regulate their own emotions, leading to long-term fragility and mental health struggles.
One of Komisarâs most controversial stances is her rejection of gender neutrality in early parenting. She argues that mothers and fathers are not interchangeable due to distinct hormonal profiles shaped by evolution. Mothers, driven by high levels of oxytocin, are biologically primed to be "sensitive empathic nurturers" who regulate a babyâs fear and sadness. In contrast, fathers typically produce more vasopressinâa hormone linked to protective aggressionâand oxytocin in a way that encourages "playful tactile stimulation".
While fathers are critical for encouraging exploration and regulating excitement and aggression, Komisar insists that the primary attachment figure for the first three years should ideally be the mother.
She views the societal push for mothers to return to work full-time shortly after birth as an "anti-instinctual" turn that prioritizes the GDP over the well-being of the next generation. Even in same-sex couples, she argues that one partner must consciously adopt the "mother" role of sensitive empathic nurturing to ensure the childâs emotional needs are met.
Komisar offers a scathing critique of institutional daycare, labeling it "so bad for their brain". She cites research showing that daycare increases salivary cortisol levels in children, placing them in a chronic state of stress during a period when their nervous system is "neurologically and emotionally fragile". This chronic stress activates the amygdala (the brain's "on switch" for stress) too early and too frequently, while the hippocampus (the "off switch") remains underdeveloped.
This biological imbalance, she argues, is the true root of the surge in ADHD diagnosis. Komisar refutes the idea that ADHD is a purely genetic disorder, describing it instead as a "stress response". She notes that while a "sensitivity gene" may exist, it is only expressed if the environmentâthe parentsâfail to provide enough presence to neutralize that sensitivity. Consequently, she views the widespread medication of children as "malpractice" and "pain management," as it silences the childâs distress without addressing the underlying lack of parental presence.
The crisis is not merely biological but also cultural. Komisar traces the current mental health uptick back decades, citing the "me movement" of the 1960s and a shift toward "narcissism" and "individualism". She argues that society has "lied" to parents, telling them they can "do everything all at the same time" without consequence. She specifically debunks the "quality versus quantity time" myth, stating that children do not operate on a parent's schedule; they need presence when they need it, not when it is convenient for a professional career.
Furthermore, she highlights the "family diaspora," where young parents choose to live geographically distant from extended families to pursue "fabulous" lives. This isolation makes the already stressful task of parenting nearly unbearable, as humans were evolutionarily designed to raise children in "extended family circles".
Komisar acknowledges the immense economic pressure on modern families, noting that many mothers are now the sole or primary breadwinners. However, she remains a "realist" about the trade-offs involved. She advocates for significant policy changes, such as one to three years of paid maternity leave, and suggests creative solutions like allowing mothers to "borrow" from their future Social Security to fund time at home.
For high-achieving professionals, her advice is blunt: "Your life wonât be so fabulous... if your children are breaking down". She encourages parents to "downscale" materially and "pair down" their lives during the critical 0â3 window. She suggests that while a career can last decades, the window to build a childâs "emotional core"âtheir attachment securityâis incredibly small.
Ultimately, Komisarâs message is a plea for Presence, Prioritization, and Prevention. She believes that by acknowledging the biological differences between genders and the irreducible needs of infants, we can begin to reverse the mental health crisis. While her views on daycare and traditional gender roles are controversial, she maintains that they are backed by the "Inconvenient Truth" of neuroscience and evolutionary psychology. To raise healthy children, Komisar argues, society must stop prioritizing work and material success over the simple, sacrificial act of being there.
Playschools are the ideal place to introduce your child to a society and neuroplasticity through plays after 2 years of age.